Saturday, 23 October 2010
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Currently
Pretty Reckless
see relatedResumption [food for thought]
Getting back into the groove of writing is never as easy as it seems. All my life I’ve been told, “you have so much talent, Jen” or “you make writing look so easy, Jen” or “I wish I had the ideas you do, Jen.”
I thank people for their comments because that’s what’s polite, but inside I’m screaming because there’s one truth they don’t get, they don’t understand, and it’s probably best they don’t. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, though sometimes, in my darker moments, I vaguely consider it, just so someone might understand what I go through.
I’ve said it before: I play the tortured writer well. Though it isn’t all just an act. Parts of it certainly are, just like parts of life are merely an act, but most of it is sincere even if you can’t tell the difference. (Sometimes I can’t tell the difference either). I struggle with all the same things you do; lack of self-esteem, self-hate and self-loathing, suicidal tendencies, a god complex, Satanist ideals, acceptance, and self-worth. You may not directly relate to all of those things but I know you can relate to some. (That is if you’re a fellow writer.) We all play the tortured writer well.
This talent is also a curse. This gift is also punishment. This contentment is also misery.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone who doesn’t understand it, though sometimes, in my darker moments, I vaguely wish for someone who fucking understands what’s going through my head.
In essence, resumption is a blessing in disguise. It brings me back to a state of normalcy but it also flings me back to the edge of the abyss because I’m nothing without my misery. I can’t write without my muse standing over me, threatening to stomp on my fingers thus casting me into the void of eternity, screaming.
Blessed and Cursed.
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Comments (2)
Minus the "all my life" part i've been told some of the same things. Yet, in the end, it doesn't mean a damn thing. People say what they say to others when they think it's what they want to hear. Which, with myself, is the last thing they should be saying. You could ask them to give their interpretation of the story and hold back your thoughts on their view. Someone who's been bouncing around on a cushioned life is going to have a very different view of the author of a dark piece.
The thing is to get those on the "outside" to have a taste of the world. Just like one guides them with stories you can guide their everything. Especially when a majority of people are looking for something to follow. Especially with those who feel "dark" inside because it's a fad being peddled. Let them visit your world for a while because theirs is the abnormal one.
@Awake_but_Half_Asleep - "Someone who's been bouncing around on a cushioned life is going to have a very different view of the author of a dark piece." It's funny you say that because that's how I perceive most of the people who give me the previously mentioned comments. They've had a pretty swell life (not that mine is overly dramatic or horrible) so those comments usually mean little to nothing.
I think you're right, a majority of people are looking for something to follow, myself included, though I try leading myself more than following it doesn't always work out that way.